The Saga Of Jack Shit By Nick Johnson

The Saga Of Jack Shit By Nick Johnson
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 Jack Shit Nick Johnson

So, I have a habit of making people angry with me because i don’t really take anything they say seriously.

I was talking to a buddy of mine the other day, and i don’t really remember what we were talking about, but the conversation started to get a little heated. And finally he said,

“Dude, you don’t know Jack shit!”

I was a little taken back because the way he said it, in my head he made sound like Jack Shit was a person.

Like, “Jack Shit, Attorney at law!”

Now, many comedians have their own versions of the story of Jack Shit. So i took this as an opportunity to not to take the argument seriously and instead share with him my version of the story of Mr. Jack Shit…

So i say, “Um yeah i do know Jack Shit…Jack shit is the only child of the wonderful couple Awe Shit and Oh Shit. Jack grew up and married No Shit. They have 4 kids together, Holy Shit, Giva Shit, Fulla Shit, and Deep Shit. 2 years ago she got married to A high school dropout named Dip Shit. But don’t hold that against him because he’s actually a really nice guy. He baptized my son last June.

Anyway, After 10 years of marriage, Jack and No Shit separated. She remarried Matt Sherlock, but because she is a self righteous bitch who wouldn’t just take his last name, she hyphenated and became No Shit-Sherlock. Meanwhile, their daughter Dip shit married Lotta Shit. Last year Fulla Shit & Giva Shit got married to the Happens brothers, at the same time. So i guess you could say it was a shit happens wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony. I actually walked the girls down the aisle, because their father jack is no longer with us. (This is where I started to tear up) The reception was a lot of fun too, everybody got bat shit crazy. There was no DJ, it was actually a band called “Michael Shittless & the Shit-Sack 7″.

So you’re gonna sit there and tell me that i don’t know Jack Shit? Jack Shit was like a brother to me! And i hope that he is looking down on me right now and i hope he knows that i’m sorry for what happened six years ago in Bosnia. I tried to hang on but i slipped! (Dropped to my knees) It should have been me Jack! It should have been me!!!

And he was so enthralled by my story that he just patted me on the shoulder and said, “it’s okay pal, he knows.”

Written by Nick Johnson

 

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